True friendship of various kinds
Is made where collective minds
Run toward loving things
Like mutual respect and the trust it brings.
Four steps can be taken
Exactly where neither person’ s forsaken:
To accept and to value and to belong,
Then emotions of intimacy cannot be wrong.


INTERACTIONS are made and are broken through an interweaving patchwork quilt of respect plus trust, or a lack thereof. As well as the key to achieving a smooth sort of respect and trust could be the achievement of intimacy between two, whether they be a married couple, an employee plus an employer, or between friends.

Relationships cannot get to 1st base without a basic level of trust and respect earned. Without trust and respect conflict is unavoidable and relational damage is bound to occur. With trust and respect, conflict, whilst it will still be inevitable, will be the vehicle for the enhancement of both trust and respect.


Since we acknowledge what builds plus sustains intimacy, let’ s consider the building blocks of intimacy so far as relational investment is concerned.


Acceptance and rejection would be the most powerful voices for and towards relationships. Where there is even a tip of a delay in accepting someone, that person may perceive it since rejection; that’ s how powerful a force it is. But where we make a special effort to guarantee the person we are in relationship with feels accepted – completely as they are, as we model God’ ersus grace toward them – they are going to feel accepted. First base has been conducted safely.


When people feel accepted their eyes look for evidence that they are also valued. Being valued is all about being recognised in small yet significant ways that are meaningful to the person who feels valued. Evidence of getting valued is a confirmation of accurate acceptance. Second base has been made.


When people feel accepted and highly valued they feel like they belong. Plus where people feel they belong they earnestly seek to contribute meaningfully to the relationship and to the particular goals of the relationship. Where a individual is accepted and valued, where they feel they belong, there is a rich vein of trust plus respect that ebbs and runs, and a seminary of intimacy grows, and both cohabit in relationship and grow together. Third foundation is taken, and the home run is but steps away.


Approval is first base, and being highly valued is making second. We slip into third when we feel we all belong. And home base is making all three together, which usually manifests as intimacy – where respect is implicit and trust abounds.

© 2014 S. J. Wickham.

4 Responses to “four Bases (A Home Run) to get Achieving Relational Intimacy”

  • Mark M:

    My boyfriend would rather just have sex with me than really BE with me. In other words, any time we have sex, it is purely for the act itself it feels like and I feel as though he feels nothing.
    In other words, when he kisses me or touches me, I feel as though it is empty, because there is no warmth beneath his touch.
    Do you know what I mean?

    He blamed me for the decline in our sex life by saying that I am responsible for the fact things went downhill when I stopped letting him just roll me over in the mornings.

    I stopped letting him do that because I felt like a damn hooker and I got tired of it.
    There is no real intimacy in anything he does with me sexually.
    Even in his kisses.
    It all feels forced, in an effort to do what he thinks I want him to do when in fact, sexual intimacy has nothing to do with sex and he can’t seem to understand that.
    What is the deal?
    Hey, for the people who think I’ve done nothing for HIM or just lay there like a fish – you are SOOOOOO wrong. My sex drive is higher than his and let me tell you, i am VERY open minded, but it comes to a point when just sex in a so called committed relationship – is NOT enough.

  • Xbox360king:

    I heard recently that women only orgasm with a male partner 27% of the time, whereas they orgasm with a female partner 83% of the time. Could it be that this is in part the cause for the homosexual swing of society in recent years? Is it possible that lesbianism is rooted in the quest for good sex, which women seem to only be able to get from other women? And if so, would we see a swing back to heterosexuality if men as a whole learned the art of female orgasm? Without getting political or diving into the morality of it, please give your thoughts on this matter. 10 points to the person whose thoughts most resemble my own. No, you don’t get to hear them until after you answer. :)

    P.S. Please don’t try to convince me that your thoughts are “correct”. I have my own. I only wish to know what yours are. :)
    OKay, that answer about the guy detonating first? That’s the whole point of men not knowing how to pleasure a woman. She should always come at least once before the guy does. This is what I’m talking about when I say guys don’t satisfy a woman.

  • Seth:

    Why do we think that these two things go together? Could fidelity ever prevent intimacy? Certainly people’s feelings here are a factor, but beyond that what sense does fidelity make? Where did we come up with this idea?

  • krow147:

    me and my boyfriend are crazy about each other i love him and he loves me im 15 and he’s 16 and yesterday he asked me if we could have sex i told him no and of course he understood but now im wondering can we get intimate without sex and if so how?

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